I’m not sure how to put this, but you look tired as FUCK. Good news is, you’re still drunk from the night before. Bad news is, you got home at 3 and now it’s 8 and time to go to work. Ain’t no thang, here’s how to not look tired as fuck:

1. Still Be Drunk
This doesn’t actually help with how you look, but it makes you care a whole lot less. Which is really helpful.

2. Hydrate
When I say liquid breakfast, I mean ALL the liquid. Go with: red bull (sanity), muscle milk (cure all), & Gatorade (mouth lubricant). All available at a corner store, no matter what skanky bed you just crawled out of.

3. Be Clean + Makeup
Seriously, you could be hammered as fuck or hung so far over you’re backward, but if you doll up that pretty little face of yours, you can usually get away with it.

That’s all you need, really. Now get out there, rage ’till dawn, and don’t let the swill merchants rewrite you.